I built a house completely out of ice
I shoveled, piled until the walls were high
I crawled and stacked with hands as red as rouge
I fell and stumbled, labored through the cold
The milky snowflakes fell upon my cheeks
They flurried, floated, danced upon my tongue
Dissolving quickly into drops of rain
I drowned my worries into each wet flake
Inside my igloo lay a quilt of blue
And flames of orange that burned the dark and cold
I sat beneath my roof from night to dawn
And prayed the cold would freeze all tides, and time
Though soon the winter faded into spring
And melted down my work, my pride, my home 
I like the way you used the igloo here as a metaphor for things passing on. This was a great use of a controlling metaphor and each stanza led us deeper and deeper into that image. asa sonnet, I think you may have neglected the rhyming part, but the effect was nice overall. I also would not have separated the poem into different stanzas.
ReplyDeleteI think the image and sentiment expressed here are quite beautiful and that over-all you used this formal form quite well. My major comment is on the rhyme scheme because so many off-rhyme or non-rhyming words were used that it made it difficult to go with the natural rhythm of a rhyming pattern. In general I think this is a lovely poem and i admire your skill with this form.
ReplyDeleteYeah I totally forgot that sonnets have to rhyme LOL. That will be changed when I do my revisions.
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